I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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