Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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