is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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