your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
