sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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