Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
