I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
