I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize