You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
