I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
