So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I could fuck to npr.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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