dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
