so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
