just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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