It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
