Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
