I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
