Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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