That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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