I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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