You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
