sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
