clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Randomize
