My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
