dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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