just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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