What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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