then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
