How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You made out with two different species that night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
