She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
