I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
