All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
