I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
