I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i now understand why vodka
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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