my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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