we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
