you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
