I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
