I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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