um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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