I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
