Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
