When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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