I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
