When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
