so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
