yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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