Got a toothbrush?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize