I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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