the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My pussy is not your playground.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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