I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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