dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
