And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
