I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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