it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
