you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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