today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
