Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
