YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
