Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You ruined the universe
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
