whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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