thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize