Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
