put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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