If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
