It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
