last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
