My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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