He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
