WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
