Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
