call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And then he peed in my hair
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