i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
