I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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