Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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