Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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