i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
