3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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