i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
