If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
