I CAN MOONWALK!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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