Do you still have your period?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
