so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
