I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
