the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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