I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
