I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
