maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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