After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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