I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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