Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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