If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
