I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
