Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
