So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
