I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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