I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
