I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
