Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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