dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
