He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
