There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
